Drunken Habits
by Theoretical-Optimist
Summary: Hermione and Dean come to the rescue to sober up Seamus after a night out drinking with their former classmates. Written for Round 3 of The Houses Competition (year two).


House: Gryffindor

Position: HoH

Category: Short

Prompt: Singing in the shower

Word Count (excluding header and author's note): 641

Beta: Krissy

-AN The song Seamus sings is a real sea shanty. It is VERY dirty. I used the clean parts. :) Seamus is roughly based on my former roommate who used to sing random things while drunk including: Busta Rymes, Tupac, and the Canadian National Anthem.

* * *

Dean greeted his former classmate in the wee hours of the morning. "Thanks for coming over on such short notice, Hermione. I didn't know who else to ask."

"It's no problem, really," Hermione assured him. "Ginny and I were just-" she faded away as a slurred melody floated down the stairs.

"She sleeps all day and works all night on the old Callao Marina - Serafina Oh, Serafina," gargled the voice.

Hermione arched her eyebrow and gave Dean a perplexed look.

"Ah, yeah." He rubbed at the back of his neck. "That'll be Seamus. He tends to sing dirty sea shanties in the shower when he's sauced."

Hermione tried hard to suppress a giggle. She failed.

Seamus continued to warble from the bathroom. "She'll guzzle pisco, beer and gin, on rum her mum did wean her."

"Why did you let him drink so much?" Hermione asked as she riffled through her bag, searching for some sober-up potion.

"I wasn't there; I had a footy practice for the Inter-Ministry Muggle and Magic League. Seamus went out with Justin Finch-Fletchley and Ernie MacMillan. Those blokes thought it would be funny to challenge Seamus to a drinking contest and leave him on the front step for me to deal with."

Hermione understood all too well. The former Hufflepuffs had done the same thing with Ron a few weeks back as part of the ongoing prank war between the former members of Dumbledore's Army. Hermione paid them back with some Weasley Wizarding Wheezes' Itching Powder snuck into their dress robes at the most recent Ministry gala.

"We're going to have to think up something really good to get back at them. Do you think we should get the Ravenclaws involved?"

Dean grinned mischievously. "I'm sure Luna will have a few ideas." When Hermione handed him the vial of potion, he said, "let me go dose the drunkard and then we'll have a cuppa and start planning.

Hermione settled into the kitchen and listened to Seamus's not quite dulcet tones.

"She'd done me brown, she'd sunk me down, that dirty she-hyena - Serafina Oh, Sera- Oh, hi Dean. You're not Serafina. Where'd she go?"

Dean replied, "Serafina had to leave for a little while. But she told me to give you this potion. Why don't you drink it down for us?"

"If that's what you think she'd like. Maybe you can join Serafina and me in the shower. There's plenty of room for one more."

Hermione could practically hear the randy Irishman's eyebrows waggling.

"Here you go," Dean prompted. "Drink it all."

A minute passed with nothing but the sound of water splashing down in the shower.

"I did it again, didn't I?" asked a timid sounding Seamus.

Dean laughed loudly causing Seamus to groan. "Yeah, you did. I swear we'd be better off becoming partners at the Apothecary with the rate you go through sober-up potions. At least we'd make money back on them that way."

"I thought we were out of potions after last weekend?"

"We were. I called Hermione."

Seamus groaned louder as Hermione chimed in, "Hello, Seamus!"

Hermione made herself busy fixing a kettle of hot water on the stove while she waited for the two wizards to join her. Minutes later, Dean escorted a ragged looking Seamus down the stairs.

"Did you have a lovely evening with Serafina?" Hermione asked.

Dean laughed as Seamus buried his head in his arms on top of the table. "Be thankful it was only dear old Serafina. Some of his other tunes are even more colorful."

"Hardy-har har," croaked Seamus. "Just laugh at my expense. What are we going to do about Ernie and Justin?"

Over a tin of biscuits and two kettles of tea, the three former Gryffindors put their heads together and plotted the next step in the prank war. The Hufflepuffs were going down!


End file.
